He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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