i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
