When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
