Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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