Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
