the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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