In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
