Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
