she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
