I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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