i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize