ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
