Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
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