he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
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