we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
