Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
