i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
