My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
How external is "for external use only"?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
