Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
