its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
