i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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