You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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