My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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