so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
We're too hungover to prance.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
