Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
