Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
