I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
