Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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