He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
