I looked at my own cervix.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize