Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
