I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
