I wish I could punch you in the face.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
