dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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