We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
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