I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
