i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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