So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
