I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
