I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Randomize
