Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize