Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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