no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
