Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
