Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
