I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
