Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
