I wanna bring you to show and tell
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
