I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
