can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
