You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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