I puked a lego.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
