I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
