what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
