I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Randomize
