I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
