Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize