Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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