i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
