Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
then he tried to convert me to islam
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Is Oprah even human
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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