It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
sex in a hospital.. check
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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