If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
