Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
