the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
mondays should just be called national damage control day
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
