Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
