return my video game
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I just gift wrapped bread.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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