he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
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