He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
