There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
