Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Randomize
