I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
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