I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
You've changed since you got that strap on
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
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