If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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