Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
