I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
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