it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
