Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
