i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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