so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
My dad just said "fuck circus"
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
