PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
