Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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