he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
