shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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