You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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