my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
