Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
