soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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