Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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