Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
