apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
