I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
