i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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