Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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