You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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