So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
