I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
