onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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