hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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